Ping Pong Pwnage
by Lady Alabaster
Summary: It’s a match to beat all matches. Ron vs Draco. Who will win? And what will they win? One-shot, slash DM/HP


Ping Pong Pwnage

Summary: It's a match to beat all matches. Ron vs Draco. Who will win? And _what_ will they win? One-shot, slash DM/HP

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and all things affiliated with Harry Potter. That right goes with JKR and Warner Bros.

"Weasly, I could beat your arse at this game even if I had angry house elves trying to eat my ears."

"Why your ears?"

"That's not the point. The point is that I would kill you in this game. So I can see your hesitation in entering into any competitions with me."

The blonde smirked and raised his aristocratic I'm-too-amazing-for-your-mind-to-handle eyebrow.

"Yeah. Like your sweet skills on the Quiddich field?"

The smirk was gone. The eyebrow looked angry.

"Are you playing or not?" the blonde said, obviously out of witty retorts.

"Ha. This game is boring without some sort of prize." Ron said, cocking his head and raising a suggestive eyebrow. Draco though that _his_ own eyebrow gave a much better performance though.

Harry and Blaise, who were sitting in the couch beside the gigantic green table and happily munching crisps, were looking from one boy to the other like the match had already begun.

Blaise looked over at the brunette. "All bets on the blonde." He whispered.

"No way, this is probably the first time he's played. I'm with the redhead, Malfoy's going to get arse-whooped."

Blaise gave an eyebrow raise that put both Ron and Draco's to shame.

"You've obviously never seen a Malfoy play ping pong." Blaise said, knowing full well the powers that Malfoy men had with small balls.

Draco looked over at the two.

"We can hear you, you know." he said sarcastically.

Blaise was just happy that Draco couldn't hear his thoughts.

Harry shook his head and smiled, "Do they teach you how to talk like that in Evil Preschool, Draco? Because you must have gotten all the lollipops."

Draco just blinked and turned to Ron.

"I win, I get to kiss Potter."

Harry started to choke on a crisp.

"I don't think he'll go along with that." Ron said with a smirk. "Poofter." He added.

"Oh, come on, he's your bitch, make him do it." Draco said, watching Harry go blue, still gagging.

"Harry is not my bitch." Ron said, walking over to him and thumping him on the back.

Harry shot a death glare at Draco, but it didn't really look all that threatening because of the wheezing.

"I'll give you my car if you win." Draco said calmly, looking at his fingernails in a ridiculously posh way.

Ron whipped around.

"Your car?"

"Mmhmm." Draco said connivingly.

"I like your car." Ron said, practically salivating.

Harry, finally recovered, threw the bag of crisps at Ron and immediately broke him out of his daydreams.

"Ron, don't you dare even consider it." Harry yelled.

Blaise was practically exploding from suppressing his laughter.

"But, Harry, his car! His bloody Porsche! Can you imagine us in that car?"

"No. Because you and I will never own it. Ever."

"But we could. Think about it, Harry, a Porsche."

Harry thought.

"Ron. If you lose. I will kill you." Harry deadpanned.

Ron laughed and threw his fist in the air in celebration.

"I'm going to win us a Porsche, Harry. A Porsche!"

"Don't cheer till the keys are in your hands." Draco said lazily, "My Daddy taught me that."

Ron turned and grinned at Draco.

"Oh, come on. This is almost too easy."

Draco smirked again and looked over Ron's shoulder at Harry. He puckered his lips and gave the brunette a smouldering look.

"Ron. _Death _if you lose, understand?" Harry said.

"Yeah, yeah, Harry."

And so it began.

And it went on for about two hours, at which time Harry fell asleep to the annoying sound of the plink-plink of the stupid ball. Even Blaise, who was known for his impressive attention span, was getting kind of bored.

But then Draco, who was covered in sweat and panting slightly, flung the ball at Ron, who was so tired by now that he missed it by a millimetre and it went past his paddle and hit the garage door behind him.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Harry woke up.

Ron slowly turned with a horrified expression on his face.

Draco started to hum the Death March.

Blaise smirked and stood up.

"I declare the winner… Draco Malfoy!"

Draco walked over to Ron and wiggled his eyebrows at Harry.

"Come here, lover."

Harry's eyes widened and he looked over at Ron.

"Ron…"

"Harry, my mother knows I'm here, if you kill me, she'll find you."

"Ron…"

Ron had abandoned logic, begging came next.

"Please, Harry, don't kill me. I'll give you whatever you want, anything."

Draco put his elbow on Ron's shoulder and leaned to the side.

"Oh, please, as if you own anything of value." He said, "Harry, I think you owe me a kiss. Pucker up."

Harry took a deep breath and looked again at Ron, who had his arms out in front of him in a prayer and his eyes closed.

"Ron, I really hate you right now."

Ron moaned sorry over and over again.

Harry walked over to the blonde and gave him another death glare, just for good measure.

"Christ Harry, no need to look at me like that, this is really all your fault."

Harry could have protested but at that second he felt Draco Malfoy's tongue in his mouth.

It was kind of wet, just like with Cho, but also kind of hot, just like with Ginny. It was kind of really hot actually.

In fact, Harry was beginning to feel it all the way through his body. Even in places he, as a man, should never have felt it.

Then Harry realised that air was necessary for life and he disentangled his hand from Draco's hair and gripped the table. Except there was a bucket full of ping-pong balls on it.

The stupid things fell and all of a sudden the sound of a thousand plink-plink-plink's filled the room.

Draco broke the kiss.

Harry kinda didn't want him to.

"Harry, you just got pwned."


End file.
